Tales from the Hood (1995)

"This isn't a funeral home...this is HELL!"

From 1991-1994 I lived in Earlington, KY. A strange town actually. You were either white and had money, or you were black and didn't have much; this resulting in the "E-Town gangs" happening at the time. Well, I was white and didn't have the amenities that my white peers had. I wasn't destitute, but the richies didn't want me hanging around. Besides, I was a weirdo; that was a double whammy. Needless to say, I fell in with the black kids and related to them more than the white kids. I was a metalhead hanging out with gangsta rap girls. I was accepted by them and would even find myself getting into things that they were into - including early '90s gangsta rap. Yep. I'm guilty of owning The Chronic and Doggystyle, even getting in trouble with my friends by Mrs. Shockley while rapping Gin and Juice in the library. Memories...!

When Tales from the Hood came out in late '95, I had already developed a love for blaxploitation flicks and all forms of black entertainment. Though this movie does not necessarily fall under the category of blaxploitation, it's close enough for me. It's blaxploitation mixed with a little horror comic influence and you have yourself a nice anthology film that maybe even Hammer and Amicus would enjoy. Or at least take notice. Directed by Rusty Cundieff, whose resume includes Chappelle's Show and writer for the second segment of House Party, also co-wrote the script and stars in the second segment Boys Do Get Bruised. Executive produced by Spike Lee, this film was definitely a product of its time and makes the perfect time piece for someone like me who enjoys everything that went into making this entertaining gem of a movie, which was often lambasted by critics with harsh, negative reviews. Eh. What do they know?

The title of the movie is reminiscent of Tales from the Crypt and shares the same impetus which is basically a horror anthology where assholes get their comeuppance and tons of people die, or are already dead. The movie begins with Welcome to My Mortuary - three gangsta dope dealers arrive at Simms Funeral Home where they're looking to get "the shit" from Mr. Simms himself. Mr. Simms is an odd fellow, perfectly portrayed by Clarence Williams III, and instead of getting down to business, he starts showing these three guys random bodies in their caskets and tells their stories. Thus, we have our movie...

Rogue Cop Revelation 

A black cop rookie on his first night on the job witnesses the wrongful murder of Martin Moorehouse (Tom Wright), a black rights activist who promoted the cleanup of city streets from drug dealers and police malfeasance. While the white cops are beating Moorehouse to death, Clarence who has just ran a scan on his licence plate numbers tries to stop them and informs them of who Moorehouse is. This scene is rough. Not only is it reminiscent of the horrible Rodney King beatings, but a song plays softly in the background to heighten the depressive mood - Billie Holiday's Strange Fruit, a song about lynchings with disturbing lyrics such as "black bodies swinging" and "bulging eyes and twisted mouths". A fitting song but very unsettling. Later in the car, Clarence tries to tell his partner that the other two cops should be reported for what they've done. Thinking that they're escorting Moorehouse to the hospital to get help, Clarence finds that they are actually driving him to a pier to place him back into his car to inject him with heroine, making it look like Moorehouse was a hypocritical heroine addict. Ultimately they rig his car to go into the water, and off they go like nothing happened.

A year later, Clarence has bottomed out as a drunk with the heavy burden of guilt over what happened. As Clarence is out one night, he passes a mural of Moorehouse on the side of a building and he speaks to Clarence saying, "Bring them to me!". And so he does, leading the three cops into the cemetery where Moorehouse is buried. While pissing on his grave, one of the cops gets pulled down onto the headstone by his dick and his head is bashed in. Cool. He is then pulled down into the ground and a few seconds later the coffin bursts open revealing the cop's dead body. Moorehouse stands over the grave with the cop's beating heart in his hands. Cool.

Next is an awesome chase scene where Moorehouse is keeping up with the cop car as they're fleeing away from the cemetery. Wings Hauser, playing one of the culprit cops, gets his head pulled off and the car crashes. Cool. The other cop is losing his mind and wanders into the alley where Moorehouse's mural is painted. As he's trying to get away from the vengeful corpse he starts to yell, "WE KILLED YOU!!". Heroine needles start to jump off the ground into the air and penetrate him as he's running. Soon he is pinned to the mural painted wall and a needle goes into his mouth, causing him to become part of the mural. As Moorehouse questions Clarence why he wasn't there for him that night, the story comes to a close. We see Clarence mumbling to himself in a straight-jacket and orderlies locking him up in a padded cell.

Boys Do Get Bruised 

After the first story, Mr. Simms direct Stack, Ball, and Bulldog (the three dope dealers) to the next story which is a tale of a little boy named Walter Johnson (Brandon Hammond) living in an abusive household and telling his school teacher Mr. Garvy (Rusty Cundieff) that a monster is causing the bruises on his body. Mr. Garvy is not only concerned over Walter's household problems, but he takes notice to Walter suffering from a bully at school. While class is at recess, Mr. Garvy speaks to Walter about "the monster" and his school bully. Walter draws Tyrone, the bully, and tells the teacher that he was once told to draw the things that bothers him, so he does. While he crumples up the picture of Tyrone we hear a scream and the scene cuts to the young boy being carried away on a stretcher due to his arms and legs being broken. Though he fell on the stairs, the teachers think this is a bizarre tragedy.

Mr. Garvy goes to Walter's house to speak to his mother, Sissy (Paula Jai Parker) and while he's there Sissy's boyfriend Carl comes home. I have to interject here and say that Carl is played by the usually hilarious David Alan Grier, but in this role he is an ASSHOLE and does a great job of making "the monster" believable. Complete with a tattoo on his arm reading the word "monster". After Mr. Garvy is basically told to leave, he sits in the car and sees Carl's shadow beating both Walter and Sissy. Mr. Garvy goes back into the house and shit hits the fan, especially for the monster. Walter grabs the picture of the monster that he drew and starts bending, folding, crumpling, and twisting the image around causing Carl's body to end up in the floor as a twisted mass of flesh. Sissy stomps on the drawing, Walter burns it, and the mangled corpse is burnt.

Gotta love the effects in this one when David Allen Grier is getting his comeuppance!

KKK Comeuppance 

Corbin Bernson plays Duke Metger, a former KKK member running for senate. His campaign is designed to forget and forgive him for his past and to show the public that he has moved on from his old ways though the African and Jewish communities have protested that he is still a racist based on his office being set up at an old slave plantation which is said to be haunted by the souls of slaves and Hoodoo witch Miss Cobbs. Legend has it that she transferred the souls of the dead slaves to homemade dolls that she made. There is even a large painting still looming over the main room at the plantation and Duke can't resist calling the dolls "negros". He even says this to his assistant who is black. Ummmm..what a fool.

While putting together new promotions for his campaign, his assistant falls down the stairs to his death. Later while reviewing the tape, Duke finds that there was a doll at the head of the stairs which caused the fall. He destroys the doll but it does no good as it comes back and brings a legion of other dolls with him. As the dolls appear in physical form, they disappear from the painting on the wall. And after every doll has made it off the painting, so does Miss Cobbs. She sits in her rocking chair holding the first doll we saw while the rest of the dolls attack and kill Duke.

Reminiscent of the Amelia segment in Trilogy of Terror but definitely holds its own. There are some dragging parts in this episode, but it pays of in the end.


Hard-Core Convert

The final, and my favorite story tells of a gang member named Jerome "Krazy K" Johns violently played by Lamont Bentley. In the beginning of this segment we see Krazy K have a shootout with three guys in a car that he has just chased down. He gets shot and as the cops arrive he says to himself, "saved by the motherfucking cops". Saved? I guess...

Enter Rosalind Cash in her final movie role as Dr. Cushing. Nice name! Her goal is to basically go all A Clockwork Orange on his ass and show him just how fucked up he is. Her techniques are pretty amazing. As he waits to be "tested", she places him in a floor cell next to a white supremacist covered in white power tattoos. After he points out to Krazy K that they both kill black people, Dr. Cushing's motives are starting to become pretty clear. She wants to point out that Krazy K is doing just that - killing other black people and acting as if he is a black supremacist if you will.

Once Dr. Cushing has Krazy K strapped to her contraption she flashes images of black and white pictures of actual black lynchings and modern gangsta shoot outs. It's pretty disturbing and to top it off is Spice 1's song Born II Die playing (video at the foot of this blog) as the images splash across the screen. After this torture, Krazy K starts to have visions of the people he has killed and they're all asking him why he killed them. He starts to unravel and lose his mind and he refuses any remorse for his actions. Dr. Cushing warns him that this is what is doing him in - lack of emotion. Because of his resistance to healing himself, he is then back where he was in the beginning on the ground and getting shot by the three men who we then see is the three dope dealers hanging out in Mr. Simms' funeral home.

After this story is told, our pivotal tale with these three and Mr. Simms that we know as Welcome to My Mortuary comes full circle when Mr. Simms takes them to their reward which waits deep in the mortuary. He leads them to three closed caskets and they each stand by one opening them to reveal their own bodies inside. Mr. Simms tells them that some of Krazy K's boys came and shot them in retaliation. As he perfectly recites the lines, "This isn't a funeral home...this is HELL!" he transforms into Satan himself and flames engulf the three young men.

Unfortunately for me my VHS copy from when I taped it off HBO back in the day has long been gone and my DVD copy of this was stolen, so I have to be happy with a DVD burn of it. Hopefully there will be a decent official release one day with some cool bonus features on it. If you've never seen it, then seek it out somehow, some way. If you have seen it but it's been a while, then pay it a revisit. It's one that I enjoy from time to time, especially for Rosalind Cash's performance! And on that note, I will end this blog with a couple of my favorite pictures of her.

Here's Rosalind looking creepy in 1971's The Omega Man 

And here's Rosalind just simply looking beautiful 

And as promised...

Cannibal Apocalypse (1980)

I. Fucking. Love. This. Movie.

I've watched this movie drunk, I've watched this movie sober, I've watched it high on NyQuil, I've watched it while eating breakfast, I've watched it while eating dinner, I've watched it while doing laundry, I've watched it while laying in bed sicker than a dog, I've watched it in a mobile home trailer sitting in the middle of the woods in Kentucky, I've watched this while living in a posh condo in the Chicago suburbs, I watched it in a New York basement apartment...! I've seen this movie A LOT and I will watch it many more times in my life! If you haven't seen it, then what the hell is wrong with you?! You're missing out. SEEK IT OUT NOW!

Playing off the title Apocalypse Now, the original title for the film was Apocalypse domani - translated from Italian as Apocalypse Tomorrow (another great alternate title was Invasion of the Flesh Hunters). The film is Italian and Spanish made, but many things set it apart from the typical films in this specific sub-genre. Parts of the film were shot in Atlanta and Decatur Georgia, creating an anytown USA vibe to it which I love and I think that's one of the reasons it stands out from the other cannibal movies at the time. The film starts in the jungles of Vietnam where Norman Hopper (the unmistakable and charasmatic John Saxon) recognizes his old friend Charlie Bukowski (the amazing Giovanni Lombardo Radice aka John Morghen)  as a P.O.W. being held captive in a hole in the ground guarded by a bamboo cage. As Norman reaches in to save Charlie, he notices that he and the other captive are chowing down on flesh and guts - a glorious gore buffet. Charlie's fellow captive lunges forward and takes a chunk out of Norman's arm.

Norman wakes up from his Vietnam flashback nightmare and as his wife assures him everything is okay, he looks down at the scar on his arm. His retreat downstairs makes you wonder if he's having a delayed reaction to a possible cannibal virus that had been carried by the P.O.W. who bit his arm; he stares into the refrigerator and sees blood dripping from the meat and for a moment you're thinking he's going to pick it up and eat it.

Obviously this is years later from the happenings at the beginning of the movie. By this time Charlie is being released from the mental hospital and looks Norman up in the phone book, giving him a call, but Norman has been busy entertaining the under-aged next door neighbor who flirted her way into the house to borrow a hair dryer. I mean, seriously, you can't write this shit. Oh wait...! Anyway, while on the phone with Charlie he starts to act strange and hangs up. After turning down advances from his under-aged guest, Mary, he changes his mind and takes a bite into her flesh - somewhere below the belt...?

The following scenes are part of why I fell in love with this movie. Charlie gets off a subway and walks around downtown Decatur. As he's walking around and dodging a biker gang making advances to two pretty ladies jogging around the plaza, he spots a movie theatre showing a war movie and decides to go in. Yeah. A war movie. That's the perfect movie he needs to see right now, right? There's actually some trivia here that you horror buffs may already know. The film Charlie is walking in to see is a 1979 film called From Hell to Victory and stars May Heatherly who plays Nurse Helen in this film.

Needless to say, while Charlie's eating his popcorn in the movie theatre, he's dreaming it's the neck of the girl sitting in front of him who is getting sexed up by her boyfriend. He can't resist her flesh and chomps right into her juggular, spraying out a frenzy of blood everywhere. He runs out of the theatre and makes his way to a giant department store/flea market. To be honest, I don't know what the hell this place is, but it's awesome and allows him to hide from the angry theatre mob and the biker gang who has since joined them in trying to catch him. He gets inside, some people are killed, Yankee Doodle is sang, and place is in shambles. The entertainment is endless.

The next scenes remind me a bit of Dawn of the Dead, with the whole S.W.A.T. team feel, mixed with First Blood but again, this movie has its own style and flair. The police are out front in the parking lot surrounding the place, John Saxon arrives to try and talk sense into Charlie...I'm tellin' ya, this movie has it all. They throw in some tear gas and  Norman reminds Charlie what to do. Piss on it. So he does. Eventually, Charlie is lured out of his hiding place and the cops arrest him and take him in. The next star to come into this movie is Wallace Wilkinson who plays Captain McCoy. This guy is my hero as he takes no guff and tells shit as it is.

Eventually shit hits the fan at the hospital when Charlie grabs Nurse Helen (played by previously mentioned May Heatherly) through the bars and bites her arm, ultimately infecting her. All those who are infected are descending further into their infected madness and get in cahoots as 4 of them make their getaway around town in a stolen ambulance.

Soon they dump the ambulance and go underground. As they're making their way through the sewage labyrinth, the police finally catch up with the group and shoot Charlie in the back, creating a huge hole in his abdomen. The effects are pretty amazing, being displayed in a glorious camera pan-up from the hole in the stomach to John Morghen's agonized face. Before I saw this movie, I read reviews about it and this scene in particular was one that I was looking forward to seeing as it seemed that something would be lost in the way of effects. The main reason I was curious was because I wanted to see how well executed it was - pun intended. They aced it. By using John Morghen from the neck up it made it realistic and believable. The same effect was used in Lucio Fulci's The Gates of Hell when the priest is impaled by a giant wooden cross in the catacombs. I'm assuming the actor is somehow leaning into the fake body with only their head and neck exposed. I'm sure kids today would laugh and think that it looks like crap but I would laugh in their face and tell them that this is WORK and ART - something they know nothing of because everything is lazy and digital now. I'll take primitive effects that lack over digital effects that look absurdly overdone. End rant.

I love the ending of this movie because it's left open and there's no real closure, making for a bleak yet almost laughable ending. Though Norman and his wife have a sad moment together, Mary from next door has started to infect people with the bite from Norman and you see in the end that her nagging mother has been killed by her and her little brother as he chomps away on some flesh.

Credits roll, the badass soundtrack goes to 11, and the audience has either had the time of their life (that would be ME!) or they have no taste and didn't enjoy themselves. One or the other. This movie both fits in and stands apart from the other cannibal movies. Similarities obviously include cannibals, settings in both tropical areas and cities, bumping funky soundtracks, and stern-faced actors delivering serious performances. Differences include Cannibal Apocalypse has war elements - something that is missing from the other cannibal movies at the time. Again, this was inspired by Apocalypse Now. Also, instead of New York city, the city vibe that we get is in the lush state of Georgia, creating an otherworldly feel. Well, to me at least. This is something else this movie and The Gates of Hell has in common.



There's plenty of gore and the typical bumping Italian prog rock soundtrack to go around, too. I understand that John Saxon has been outspoken in the past about not being fond of the movie, but I'm here to tell you he has since changed his mind and looks back fondly on this masterpiece. Okay, I'm making this up, but I'm going to pretend that he's proud. As he should be because... I. Fucking. Love. This. Movie!

The Massacre 24-hour horrorthon 2014!

Last year, The Massacre, followed by the GOBLIN show was probably my favorite event of mine and Billy’s so I was really looking forward to going again. We made our way up to Chicago on October 18^th and made our way back home the next day this time just for The Massacre – a 24-hour horror movie marathon playing classics we either love, like just a little, or even sometimes hate on the BIG screen!

Before we arrived in Chi-town, we stopped off at my old stomping grounds in Munster, IN. where I lived for a little over a year back in 2006-2007. Those of you who follow what I do with music will know this was where I formed and recorded with my bands SLASH DEMENTIA and WOLFHOLLOW. My purpose really for taking Billy here was to yes, show him where I lived, but mainly to take him to one of my favorite restaurants there called Arnie’s Dog House (“Where Man Bites Dog”). Even this vegetarian had to cheat on her diet that day. I had my classic order: hot dog with mustard and relish, corn dog, and a mound of their nothing special but oh so tasty French fries. Billy settled for two dogs, a pizza puff and fries. I was so happy to see the hot dog summer camp mural was still painted on the wall and they kept their old-fashioned menu as well. See pics to confirm awesomeness.

Next, I drove him through Hammond and actually got lost a few times because even though the area was familiar, a lot of it was foreign since it has changed in the last few years. Billy was able to sight-see while I lost my mind for a bit at the wheel, angry at myself for forgetting my way around, ha! Eventually, my sense of direction took over and…

Off on the Chicago Skyway we went, and with little to no further problems we made it to the Portage Theatre where our friends were waiting at the door to greet us. Not really, but most of them were gathered ‘round the vendor tables which were all near the door – and then they greeted us. After mingling a bit, it was time for me to catch the last of Trilogy of Terror. I was happy to just catch the last few moments as Karen Black bared her ancient Zuni fangs. The crowd clapped and cheered and I was ready for the next movie to begin – The Deadly Spawn!   

I was excited to see and hear the crowd being so active, but there were moments where some of them were a little too active and wouldn't shut the fuck up; however, I was happy to hear one guy’s reaction to seeing the 1974 classic Black Christmas for the first time. After the first kill his reaction was, “whoa”. After Margot Kidder’s death, “Daaaaamn”, and then when the killer’s eye can be seen protruding from the crack of the door, “What the FUCK?! Noooo, NOOOO!!” I envied this guy. This movie genuinely creeped me out the first time I saw it late night back in the winter of 1995 on Cinemax, so to see it for the first time on the big screen must have been awesome. Maybe I don’t have to lose all hope on kids today after all since he didn’t laugh and boo like the rest of the chumps he was sitting with, haha!

Other highlights include the Italian classics Dellamorte Dellamore and Dario Argento’s Tenebre. Unfortunately, I had to sit out Tobe Hooper’s Eaten Alive for two reasons: my ass and back were killing me, and the cold darkness of the theatre was making me extremely tired. Coffee and conversation ensued out in the lobby with great friends Matt Harding, Tom Knizner from Cardiac Arrest, and Putrid. I guess you could say it was somewhat an Evilspeak Magazine business meeting? That would be pretty accurate actually. But we all adjourned back into the theatre for the 7am screening of the Hammer Film masterpiece Twins of Evil. It was amazing to see this on the big screen and to watch it with friends. Our commentary throughout the film was keeping me awake and made the experience even more enjoyable.

As The Town that Dreaded Sundown began, the commentary wasn't keeping me as awake as I would like to have been and I didn't really think a nap would suffice in order to stick around for Day of the Dead even though that was a movie I wanted to see. We called it a day and left the windy city to stop off in Schererville, IN. for a breakfast at a restaurant Round the Clock. Can’t say that I wanted to eat there, but the other place I wanted to take Billy, Schoops, wasn't open yet. Oh well, there’s always next time!

What can I say, The Massacre was great fun and next year I’ll be better prepared with blankets and a pillow. I also plan for us to stay the full 24 hours so that we can make it in the final photo! It’s a goal, and I WILL make it happen. Who’s with me?!

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If You Want to Scare Yourself (book - 1984)

Written by Angela Sommer-Bodenburg
Illustrations by Helga Spiess
Translated from the German language by Rene Vera Cafiero

The target audience for this book may be for children in grades 3-5 but I still sit and enjoy this book every year around the fall season. At 106 pages with plenty of excellent, effective illustrations, it is easy for me to get through this entire book in one sitting.

The story centers around a boy named Freddy who is on bed rest from an injured leg and he is bored from not having anything to do. His mother offers to tell him a scary story and after that he begs his father and grandmother to do the same. There are five stories in all, the last one being a story that Freddy makes up himself.

The first story in this somewhat anthology book is called Barbara. Freddy’s mother tells of when she was going house hunting a few years back and went to look at an old house that resembled a castle. When she knocks on the door a pale ghostly girl named Barbara answers the door and lets her into the house, giving her a tour and showing off what was once her room. When Barbara insists that this room be used for a child, Freddy’s mother tells her that it’s none of her business how they decide on rooms and Barbara gets angry. Freddy’s mother hears commotion in the other room and hopes that it's the little girl's parents and thankfully it is. She speaks to Barbara’s parents about how Barbara let her in and showed her around the house. The parents look upset and tell her that it was impossible because Barbara was dead. She died four weeks prior of pneumonia from sleeping in the bed by the window.

The second story, called Harry, is told by Freddy’s father about how when he was younger he needed a tutor for math. A boy from his class named Harry offers to assist him in his studies and tells him they must meet somewhere other than his house since it’s no good. Harry is described in the story as having pale, unhealthy skin, wears the same black clothes every day, unkempt hair, and a peculiar smell. Freddy’s father agrees to Harry’s suggestion of tutoring and they begin studying together at his house. Every day after their studies, Freddy’s father passes out from exhaustion on the desk where they are working. One time he even finds drops of blood on his paper. Over time, Freddy’s father becomes anemic and is bedridden for a week. Freddy’s father returns to school and notices Harry has been missing. He gets Harry’s address and goes to his apartment building to see how he is. He doesn’t find a doorbell with Harry’s last name so he starts ringing doorbells to see if anyone there can tell him where Harry is, or if he moved. He finally finds someone who knew Harry and explained how he and his family haven’t lived there in 25 years and how his mother and sister died of chlorosis…another word for anemia. As you can see from the pic and the brief description of the story, it's safe to say this is a vampire tale...!

The Child under the Cloak is the third story told by Freddy’s grandmother and it’s another ghost child story. This time, Freddy’s grandmother is shopping at the market when she notices a barefoot child wearing nothing but a yellow raincoat in the freezing cold. She can’t tell if the child is a little boy or a girl, but she can tell that the child is sickly looking with a pale, ashen face. She tells the child that it should be wearing shoes and clothes or else it could catch its death. The child is moved by how concerned she is and this drives Freddy’s grandmother away. She looks back and sees the cloak on the ground and feels terrible that she shoved the child away from her. She goes back and offers to take the child somewhere warm and give it hot cocoa. When she picks up the cloak, nothing is under it. A passerby asks if she was related to the child that had just been hit by a car earlier that day. Freddy’s grandmother held the coat next to her and explains how it felt like the body of a warm child still inhabited the cloak.

Personally, the fourth story is my favorite. Wolfgang- I guess you could imagine what this is about. Yep! A werewolf. Freddy’s mother, Sabina, tells of when she was a child visiting her Aunt Matilda who worked as a nanny at a mansion. Before Sabina arrives, Aunt Matilda sends a letter telling her that the family is strange and the boy Wolfgang is peculiar and to not be afraid, but to watch out for him. Young Sabina is concerned and curious what Wolfgang will be like when she arrives. When she does arrive at the mansion, the butler lets her in and tells her to wait as her Aunt is busy tending to Wolfgang. This is where Angela Sommer-Bodenburg reigns in her storytelling because in these moments you feel tense wondering what is going to happen and the descriptions of what Sabina hears makes you feel uneasy to be her, including a scream and a crash. When Aunt Matilda comes down she shows Sabina her apartment and tells her that they will be eating dinner with the family – meaning that she will be meeting the infamous Wolfgang.

One of my favorite parts of the story is when they gather around the table for dinner. This part provides the illustration which was the cover of the library book I used to check out as a kid; it’s Wolfgang holding a bloody steak up to his mouth with his sharp claws on his hairy hands. All Wolfgang wants are bloody steaks as Freddy’s mother describes as being unappetizing they are so bloody. When they tell him he can’t have any more steak until he cuts his nails he runs from the table and knocks his chair over. Later that night Sabina hears howling. Aunt Matilda tells her that it’s Wolfgang. She gets up to go check on him and finds that he slashed the maid with his nails and jumped out the window and is out in the night looking for meat.

The last story And They Went over the Hill is Freddy’s story that he wrote about a group of children basically being neglected by their parents at a party, giving the impression that the parents are usually always neglectful. They are over-eating junk food, getting sick from it, and making paper lanterns all the while the parents aren't paying attention to anything going on. At the end of the story, the children try and show their parents what they have created with their lanterns but they are too busy socializing to bother looking at what their kids have done. The children gather in a group and start whispering, and the adults take note. The kids form a line and light their lanterns before going over the hill…never to be seen again. The town searches and searches, but the children were gone.

All of these stories are fun but there is enough creepiness to make the book stand out from other children’s books. Again, though the targeted audience is young, I think that any adult, especially those who love classic horror movies, would pick this book up and enjoy every page. The stories are unique and stick with you long after reading them. It’s definitely mandatory that I mention Helga Spiess’ black and white illustrations which help make this book an eerie read. Her drawings put me in mind of Stephen Gammell’s work but she has her own style which brings this already amazing book to a whole other level. If it seems that I’m trying to hype this book up then maybe it’s because I am. You can get it for cheap on Amazon so do it NOW before the month of October is over because this is the perfect time of year to curl up and read this with a mug of hot cocoa or a pumpkin spice latte. I love books and stories like this because as a great line in this very book states, “With a scary story you can’t ask about the how and why or it loses its magic…”

-Vanessa Nocera

Here are some alternate covers of the book - the first being a Spanish version gets my vote for being the best! 

This next cover is fun and is the same as the book that I originally bought in the '90s when I finally found it at the school's book sale when I was a kid, but it isn't the best cover. 

Axe (1977)

Pretty Lisa took an axe, gave her capter 40 whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave his partner 41! 

Trying to ride the coattails of 1974's The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Axe (aka The California Axe Massacre as well as the original title Lisa, Lisa) didn't deliver as much as the previously mentioned title, and is one of those movies that people like or they don't. Personally, I love it! I also can see where people would hate it and claim that it tests their patience. When I stop to think about why I like it so much, I'm guessing it's pretty much only because I have nostalgia for it. Well, that and I like the look of the movie for its '70s quality. Sometimes that's enough for me. Rating movies doesn't really give the full report, but I would give this a 7/10, and here's why...

Getting the privilege of being one of the infamous "video nasties", it makes you wonder why the hell it made it on that list. At the time, those who were out to get the horror video underground were aiming for anything and everything at the time, and with a title simply called Axe how could this slip by the clueless crowd of anti-horror groups. Had they watched the movie they probably wouldn't have bothered. Is it totally devoid of blood and gore? No, but there are far bloodier and far gorier movies out there.



So basically, three criminals, Steele, Lomax, and Billy (who looks like Bob Ross) are on a murderous rampage and running from the law. They take it upon themselves to target a small town for their horrendous antics. One memorable scene is when they invade a grocery store and harass the female worker there, making her take off her blouse and then placing an apple on her head in which the lead asshole is going to shoot off once he walks 10 paces. The lady's acting in the scene is pretty unconvincing and this is where some of those rating points start to come off. They don't kill her, at least I don't think they do, but there's a moment where you think she's been shot. It turns out that it's just ketchup from the bottle he shot above her head. More unconvincing acting ensues.

Let's introduce the other characters which soon come into play. Lisa (Leslie Lee) is an introvert living in an isolated farmhouse with her paralyzed grandfather (Douglas Powers). Their relationship is essentially Lisa taking care of him and all the household needs. Their moments alone are a little strange. You feel uneasy watching some of the things that she does for him. Things like feeding him raw eggs, shaving him, bathing him, feeding him; it's a little bit of uncomfortable and a whole lotta weird. Once the idiots leave the town, they make a mistake by venturing onto Lisa's land and of course they terrorize her.When the three men arrive at the house, Lisa can be seen looking down at them from one of the top windows of the house which prompts the men to intrude. Lisa feeds them, runs the cops away so they aren't caught, and they thank her by hinting a sexual attack on her. Except for Bob Ross' doppelganger Billy; he protests by slamming his hands down on the dinner table and running away.

The '70s quality that I referred to earlier comes in midpoint of the film where Lisa is staring at herself in the mirror and hallucinates herself standing there with blood splattered on the mirror. As she stands in the bathroom looking into the mirror, she is then seen holding a straight razor to her wrist. I call this the '70s symbololgy technique. It makes you realize that she's already unhinged and these three men are about to push her more over the edge. Well, yeah, that is the premise of the movie after all! Basically, they're about to fuck up real bad.  

The first to go is Lomax. He decides to pay Lisa a visit while everyone is asleep and rapes her. Lisa grabs the straight razor she had in the bathroom that she had placed in the top drawer of the nightstand by her bed and slashes the back of his neck from one side to the other. His agonizing screams are hilarious and you can't help but laugh as she saws the blade back and forth across the back of his neck. She lies in bed covered in blood and clearly in shock. She snaps out pretty fast and drags his body to the bathroom where she takes an axe and starts hacking away. This is obviously where the movie starts to pay off. It gets even better when she stuffs his body in a large trunk and Bob Ross wants to help her move it. He pushes it all the way up the stairs and finally notices that blood had been leaking from it. He opens the trunk and his reaction is pretty underwhelming and he stupidly asks who did it. She replies by saying the other guy did it and I guess he believes her...? They go out into the woods to talk and he asks for her help. She raises up the razor and acts as if she is going to kill him but he takes it from her and says he needs it. Um...did he not realize that she was about to waste him? What an unobservant fool. He tells her to go back to the house and tell Steele that she doesn't know where he went. Again, this is where the movie pays off.

Steele is not really concerned with where Bob Ross aka Billy is and is more concerned with raping Lisa in front of her paralyzed grandfather. It's a good thing the axe was conveniently laying on the firewood in the same room where this is happening because she needs it right about now. After a few minutes of bizarre struggling, she grabs hold and whacks the fucker to death while blood splashes all over her catatonic gramps. She goes on with her day as if nothing happened, making lunch for grandpa and then telling Billy that Steele was gone when she returned. He believes her...again! This guy is a doof. He sits down to eat tomato soup but realizes it's a bowl of blood and that he's about to eat Steele's ring. He looks up just in time to see Steele's dead body fall from the fireplace.

SPOILER ALERT!

The police are driving up to the house and Billy runs out screaming. Instead of getting away or getting help he gets shot down. The cops confirm that he's one of the men they've been looking for and that Lisa described them perfectly when she called for help. The movie ends with her feeding her grandfather what looks like blood stew.

As I said before, being one of the video nasties, you'd expect a lot from this and though it falls short of delivering a classic, it's still worth watching. Some will say it's boring and tedious, some will say that it's a moody, atmospheric backwoods tale and I would agree with the latter. I love the style and I love the moog synthesizer music that was present in the late '70s films of the time. This isn't a movie I can just put on at any time, but it's definitely a great flick to put on if you're looking to have a couple of drinks and enjoy a slow-burner. Besides all that, you should just watch it to say that you've seen all of the video nasties.

IMDB tidbit: The movie was shot in 11 days and retakes were not an option in most cases due to lack of film stock.

 

And Now for a Sunday Short - Deadgirl (2009)

My first thoughts post-viewing of 2009's Deadgirl were, "I just watched Session 9 and Nekromantik's love child". 

For those who know me well, they know I'm not the first to pick up a modern horror flick. I'll try one out here and there, but it's rare. I'm certainly glad that I was curious enough about this movie to sit back and let go of any expectations or judgments. It also helps that I am friends with the writer Trent Haaga. With that aside, I did not cast aspersions on what this movie could be and instead gave full attention which was grabbed right away.

The movie begins with two guys Rickie (Shiloh Fernandez) and JT (Noah Segan) leaving from a day of high school and taking some beer into an abandoned asylum. While running away from a menacing dog, they stumbled upon a woman's body in a clear bag who appears to be newly dead. The thing is...she's NOT dead. She turns her head to JT as he reaches over and touches her. For some reason, JT tries to kill the woman repeatedly but she doesn't die; he even explains how her neck snapped, but she didn't die. Infatuated with this body, JT obsessively stays with her and over time starts to have sex with her and keeps her tied up so that she doesn't attack them. He even tells a friend that he can come down and partake in the fun. Rickie on the other hand is not amused and not interested in defiling the mysterious girl.

At this point, you start asking yourself who the real monsters are - the "zombie" girl who threatens to chomp on those who get to close to her, or the rapist boys who keep her captive while they get off on her helpless, naked body. Obviously you could say both, in their own way, but I will say that the boys, mainly JT, are aware of their actions and are the real monsters. There's even a point when two bullies are led to the body and eventually take part in some necrophilia. The main bully gets his dick bitten and later in the movie we see that he has developed an infection from her bite. Again, we're almost rooting for the girl here. Actually, we are rooting for the girl and it pays off in the end because she eventually breaks free and goes on a chomping spree ridding herself from being held captive and being repeatedly raped.

A disturbing image from the film where the dead is the abused

What I love about the movie is that it's called Deadgirl and while she is the root of the story, it flourishes beyond that; it's definitely a story about how some people will go to extremities for their pleasures, obsessions, curiosities, etc., and for some people they don't care who they're hurting. The movie is horrific in many aspects and that aspect is delivered perfectly through the writing, the pacing, no CGI effects, and the amazing performances, especially from Noah Segan who portrays JT, and Jenny Spain who fearlessly plays the dead girl. An actress who will go the whole movie totally nude, tied up, repeatedly raped, and then breaks away to chomp some faces deserves a nod for her gutsy approach to doing this role.

If you're looking for a newer movie with guts (not in the gory sense) then you should probably put this at the top of your list. If you still have a record/movie store in your town, seek it out there, or order here!

Upcoming Blogs

As I mentioned briefly in my last blog post, free time is rare for me these days. I'm recording an album with my band Wooden Stake, writing music for another album yet to be announced, about to plan out a demo with another band, and of course working on Evilspeak, my book, and preparing for the Days of the Dead convention coming up this weekend.

I have had the time though to think of some cool blog ideas on things to post about later on when time is on my side. Below is a list of ideas and movies that I'll be working on eventually when I'm not so swamped with work:

Discovering Dario
Finding Fulci
Big Trouble in Little China
Jess Franco's Devil Hunter
Bookworm Wednesday: Hammer Glamour
Bookworm Wednesday: The Weird World of Eerie Publications
TV Terror Tuesday: Bad Ronald
TV Terror Tuesday: Trilogy of Terror

Toward Halloween:
Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural
My favorite folklore stories growing up in the backwoods of Kentucky
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books, Stephen Gammell's legendary illustrations
John Carpenter's Halloween
Halloween II and Halloween III

More ideas are brewing, but you can get an idea on things to come.

Sugar Hill (1974)

First off, for those who care, my apologies on not posting in a while; I've been working full-steam on the newest issues of Evilspeak and in the writing/recording process on a new album with my band Wooden Stake. But, I have found an extra hour in my day to write about an under-appreciated movie that I love - and that movie is none other than Sugar Hill. No, not the 1993 Wesley Snipes movie. I'm talking 1974, bell bottoms, platform shoes, touchable afros, leisure suits, '70s vernacular...you dig? This movie has it all: a blaxploitation revenge flick with a badass broad using Voodoo and zombies to get her revenge. There's even a scene where the dead is rising from out of the ground! Fuck yes, what did I do to deserve such an awesome movie?!

The lovely leading lady playing Diane 'Sugar' Hill is Marki Bey. If you love the original '70s TV show Starsky and Hutch, then chances are you've seen her gorgeous mug making an occasional appearance on there. In this film though, she is the shit! We first see her chilling at the bar in her boyfriend, Langston's night club called Club Haiti - a Voodoo-themed bar. The title sequence is chock-full of Voodoo dancing and an opening theme song Supernatural Voodoo Woman that is totally funkadelic performed by a band called The Originals. With music this good and the promise of Voodoo, this movie grabs you right away and action doesn't take long to start.

Langston is offered to be bought out by Morgan (Robert Quarry) and the two have a heated discussion ultimately ending with a bunch of boring old white dudes jumping him outside the club. He stupidly walks out the backdoor of the joint ALONE and is beaten to death by these ol' honkies. Sugar runs out but it's too late. Langston is dead and now she's mad as Hell. With her "fuck the law" attitude, Sugar seeks help from Mama Maitresse - a Voodoo Mamba who has the power to summon forth Baron Samedi.


Who is Baron Samedi, you ask? Well, you're asking the right person considering I wrote a full concept album on Voodoo. Baron Samedi is a character in the movie based on an actual Haitian Vodoun Loa (Lord) of the Dead of the same name. Basically, if you give him gifts until he is appeased, he will summon forth a zombie horde to help you get the revenge you seek. And that is just what happens in this flick. Remember when I mentioned earlier that there are zombies coming out of the cobwebbed ground and rising up from the dead? Yep! I love how the zombies look in this movie, too. Not sure what makeup effects were used, but it looks like giant silver ping pong balls split in half and placed over the eyes. Whatever! From afar, it looks as if their eyes are glowing and it amplifies the cool factor of their appearance. They are the bodies of slaves brought to America from Guinea, thus the Voodoo theme.

Don Pedro Colley is AMAZING as Baron Samedi. He is exactly what a Vodoun Loa should be; intense eyes, boisterous voice, and a deep, maniacal laugh that shakes the pillars of Hell. Oh, and I should mention that Mama Maitress is played by the precious Zara Cully aka Mother Jefferson from The Jeffersons - aka one of the best shows ever. But I digress. These two help Sugar out in the best way anyone could ask for in the way of revenge. We usually see an ambiguous Baron Samedi in practical, every day situations and this is when we know shit's about to go down. He shows up as a taxi driver, a bartender, etc., but the end is always how we expect with Sugar showing up with her zombie horde to kill the whities! Let me remind you this is a blaxploitation film, meaning all PC terminology is thrown out of the window. This movie has all the cliches of the '70s black culture including the use of the word "dynamite", fast bongos in action sequences, and racial slurs galore with lines like, "No accusations, honk! I'm passing sentence!" and as the zombies dump one of the guys in a pig pen, Sugar says, "I hope they're into white trash". 

"Poor little piggies. You know, they've almost gone a week without any garbage?" 

Some killings involve the typical Voodoo doll ritual, but at least they're unique and follow the traditional meaning behind their use. In one scene she uses the doll as a means for the man to use a knife on himself and commit suicide. In another instance, she cuts the doll herself and we see the man bleeding from his neck. But, I'm partial to the killing that you see mentioned above; the zombies feeding the pigs some white trash, ha! My personal favorite is when Baron Samedi makes his appearance at the bar as a bartender and offers the man who is about to meet his demise a drink. A zombie to be exact. Damn, those are delicious. It's his line though that makes the scene: "Perhaps a drink on the house, sir. My particular special, a drink that I'm famous for - the zombie." I died when I first saw this movie. I mean, it was already too goddamn awesome, but that sealed the deal. 

As the deaths go on, Valentine discovers that there are dead skin cells left at the scene of the crimes. Meaning that he suspects Voodoo almost immediately and he beings to research Voodoo and expresses his thoughts to Sugar; this is putting a damper on Sugar's plans on finishing off the rest of the white trash, so instead of killing him, she orders Baron Samedi to injure him, leaving him rendered at the hospital. Now she can continue on with her bidding. One thing though, and this is just because I'm a stickler on Voodoo though I don't expect that it will be or should be 100% accurate, the scenes where she bosses Baron Samedi seemed a bit too much for the Loa. The Gods aren't that easy to deal with, you know! And at the end, when everything is over, I was about to really think the relationship between Sugar and Samedi was atrocious until she offers the white woman to Samedi as payment for his help. That redeemed the stretch of her aggressiveness toward the Lord of the Dead. 

The film was shot in Texas, giving opportunity to create an array of great atmospheres including city shots, murky swamps, swanky nightclubs and swingin' condos. The pacing of the movie is excellent, and atmosphere definitely gets another nod for this factor because there was a lot of switching up going on in the way of ambiance. The acting is great, the music is great, the story is great, the makeup effects are great...everything is great! It's too bad that there isn't as big of a following for this movie as there should be, and it's also too bad that there hasn't really been a proper release but hopefully, in time, there will be. 

Bloody Birthday (1981)

They're gonna cut YOU before they cut the cake! 

Three kids born on the same day in 1970 during a rare eclipse (when the sun and the moon block Saturn) are out to kill basically everyone who pisses them off. This sentence is a summation of why you should love this movie. Need any other reasons to love it? Okay...

- Patricide with a baseball bat to the cranium
- Sororicide with an arrow through the eyeball
- Billy Jacoby
- Billy Jacoby shooting people
- Perverted 10 year old boys peeping through holes in walls
- (Not downtown) Julie Brown's butt and boobs
- Giant headphones
- Jump rope and garden hose strangulation
- An Eric Estrada poster
- Unsupervised kids playing in a junkyard raging with potential accidents which could cause tetanus

You get the idea.

As these three lil devils reach the age of 10, they lose all ability to feel empathy and basically become raging psychopaths; thus, the relevance of the eclipse. The movie opens with an image of the actual eclipse and a doctor entering the hospital to deliver the three babies. There's commentary and babies crying. Very effective. Jump forward 10 years later, and here comes the sex, people! Two teens getting it on have chosen such an odd location for their sexcapades - an open grave. Da fuq? Needless to say they end up dead in this here grave. The dude gets beaten with a shovel and the girl is strangled with a jump rope. The end.

That's what I love about this movie; it starts with a fucking BANG and keeps going. The movie is perfectly paced with character development and kills, kills, KILLS in GORE GALORE! Ha! Better than Happy Birthday to Me for the many reasons listed above, below, and just the simple fact that even though this movie can be just as contrived and far-fetched, it delivers and there is no one with a skin-tight mask pretending to be someone else when they're clearly not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enough about that crap movie, let's get back to the cheezy, sleazy, un-PC gold that is Bloody Birthday!

As the kids plan for their conjoint birthday bash, their teacher informs them that they're not so great and just because they're all born on the same day doesn't mean they're hot snot on a silver platter. Matter of fact, she tries to make them feel like they're nothing but cold boogers on a paper plate, but she doesn't get under their skin. Nah! But she just so happened to pencil her name in on their list of people to kill. Cha, cha, cha!

Our three monsters gather at angelic Debbie's house (Elizabeth Hoy did a great job in her role), they awkwardly stand at the kitchen counter eating after school snacks when all of a sudden, we hear some cheesy cock rock music coming from somewhere in the house. Who could be blasting these tunes? None other than future MTV personality (not downtown) Julie Brown. The boys (Andy Freeman and the amazing, well-known Billy Jacoby) gather 'round the peephole in Debbie's closet to take a peek into Beverly's room as she performs a striptease for herself in a mirror. She strips, the boys watch, and Debbie charges them quarters and dimes. Beverly goes all the way too. We see boobs and butt and then she casually walks around with a soda and a feather boa. Da fuq?! What really makes this scene the ultimate is the fucking song that she strips to. Some macho sounding man grunting the syllables "NAAH NAAAH! NAA NAA NA NUUUUHH! NA NAAA NUUUH NUAHHUU" over and over. I'm sure there are words in there somewhere but the "na na nuhs" are really prominent. I guess with visuals like this you don't really pay attention to the auditory happenings, right?

"All this stripping for myself in the mirror is making me a bit parched"

Before we talk more about the three kids who go on a killing rampage, let's introduce the characters Joyce (Lori Lethin) and her little brother Timmy (K.C. Martel). Timmy is the same age as the three terrors and is quasi-friends with them. Our introduction to Joyce and Timmy goes something like this. She's wearing gigantic headphones and listening to Bozz Scaggs, or someone of the sort, and Timmy is sneaking in through the kitchen window. This, may I add, is the same night the teens in the grave were killed. Joyce questions Timmy's whereabouts. So does Sheriff James Brody (Debbie's dad). Well, not Timmy's exactly, but he does show up in school asking the kids where they were and who the jump rope belonged to. Well, he's not a very observant daddy because it just so happened to belong to our little blonde-haired, blue-eyed angel Debbie. He catches on, then they try to kill him with the ol' "skateboard on the stairs" gag. He instead uses his observation skills and dodges it. Smart man. Only you're about to get whacked from the back, Papa! Lights out for you, daddy-o! Debbie then blandly yells, "Mom! Daddy fell! Mom! Daddy fell". No one in this family is very observant because this happens in front of the kitchen window where Mom was.

"You crazy kids are gonna be the death of me!"

This movie resembles a birthday, actually. Every scene is like a present that you want to open and see what's inside. Timmy gets locked into a broken refrigerator in the junkyard by Curtis, the birthday party scene is epic and complete with Curtis fooling Joyce into thinking he put rat poison in the cake icing, Curtis goes around shooting people including the bitchy teacher, and the fact that they kill so many people in a short span of time is just hilarious. We can't forget Beverly's infamous death scene. Sororicide with an arrow through the eye. Poor Julie Brown!

 "I'll shoot YOUR eye out!"

"Ready, aim, EYEBALL!"

"I'm gonna cut YOU and then the cake!"

Thank you, director Ed Hunt!

Please watch this movie right now! Whether you've seen it or not WATCH IT NOW! It's amazing. Oh, and the ending battle is pretty epic as well as post-battle when Debbie and her mom make a getaway from the madness and change their identities as to not be found. A great little treat at the end before the credits roll. So serve yourself up a slice of cake and watch this kinder slasher. Have fun!