Switchblade Sisters - 1975

Even the cops couldn't tame them...

Jack Hill. He gave us great blaxploitation flicks such as Coffy and Foxy Brown, and wrote and directed the cult black comedy horror classic Spider Baby. Sprawl his resume in front of your eyes and you can feast on some incredible titles, all of which are worth discussing and fawning over, but there's one in particular that stands out to me as a great borderline feminist piece and social commentary on urban gang life - even though it is quite comedic in some aspects. That title is Switchblade Sisters.

The fact that Quentin Tarantino dubs this as one of his faves does not influence me at all given the fact that I saw this before I knew who he was, but we all have to thank him for releasing the perfect DVD version on his Rolling Thunder label. The picture is crisp, but not so crisp that it takes away from the grimy, '70s vibe that is necessary for the story. A true drive-in classic that makes you feel like you've stepped back in time to when bellbottoms were the shit and the word "jive" was part of your everyday vernacular. Actually, that's my normal everyday life, but I understand that not everyone shares this sentiment. So let's get to the story, shall we?

Meet the Dagger Debs. A rough, edgy female gang whose leader Lace let's those who cross her know who is boss. Her boyfriend Dominic, leader of the counterpart male gang the Silver Daggers, is a loud-mouthed jerk, but they make a great couple. The Dagger Debs also consist of such buxom babes such as Patch, Bunny, Cherry and Donut -played by Kitty Bruce, daughter of Lenny Bruce- ...just to name a few.

The movie starts out with a funky, soulful theme song "Black Hearted Woman" sang with heavy vibrato by Medusa as images of run-down city life flash on the screen. I'm sold. Lace is the first to be introduced, leaving her ghetto apartment and meeting up in the elevator with the landlord who was just threatening her mom for not being timely with rent. As the elevator goes down, more Dagger Debs come on-board and they attack him in the elevator. He catches up with them eventually at a burger joint when Donut is made to squeal like a pig for asking to order more food, and Maggie, the new girl in town, is confronted by the Debs. Because of the landlord, and the cops knowing the Debs and Daggers all too well, members of the gangs are arrested.

Lace soon finds a friendship in Maggie after they are taken to "juvie" and Maggie fights a big, stacked lesbian who is out for fresh blood - her blood. The fight is amazing, especially when the Dagger Debs join in on the asskicking. Maggie is soon released and Lace confides in her to take care of some business while she's still locked up, including delivering a love letter to Dominic. When the gang makes fun of Lace's letter, you learn fast there are no real likable people in the flick and that is further confirmed when Dominic goes to Maggie's place and rapes her.

Once Lace and the rest of the girls get out of juvenile detention, Lace treats Maggie as if they've been chums for years and Patch (who I have a soft spot for and is played by beautiful Monica Gayle) is forced to the backseat. This upsets Patch, as it should, because she lost an eye for the gang and rants about it often. To compound problems, Lace discovers she's pregnant with Dom's baby and he tells her in one scene to go get an abortion as he throws money at her in a wrongly hilarious post-sex scene. I'm jumping ahead though because before all this, Maggie undergoes a somewhat initiation into the gang - stealing a gaudy amulet from some douchebag named Crabs (Chase Newhart, also from the depressing as Hell 1978 classic The Deer Hunter). He has bad hair, a shitty wardrobe, and he sucks at life. Maggie gets the amulet, they all cheer, she finds out info on his gang, and then Crabs attacks back by shooting Dom's brother and kidnapping one of the Debs in his rape van and his gang rapes her.

Bad move, Crabs. Bad move.

Next is the organization of Crabs' attack at a local roller rink. Crabs' men are prepared with ammo, guns, bombs...okay, just guns and ammo and the night turns out bad when Dom is shot and killed and Lace falls only to be kicked in teh stomach by Crabs, ultimately losing the baby. Her plans backfired. What?! Her plans?! Yeah, more on that in a few. While Lace is staying in the hospital, Maggie turns into a territorial she-wolf and dubs the former Debs with a new name - The Jezebels. She also organizes a teaming up with old friend Muff and her political gang of black beauties to plan a revenge attack on Crabs and his gang. They assemble tanks, armed vehicles, guns, ammo, and grenades; this time I'm not joking. It's quite the showdown, and Crabs gets it. Before he does, Maggie wants info from him as she suspects that someone from her gang gave Crabs info on the roller rink ambush. As I leaked before, it was Lace who did it in hopes that it would get Maggie killed. Patch knows this and when Patch, Lace, and Maggie corner Crabs, he is about to tell when Patch shoots him before he says a word. Maggie, in a furious rage, yells at Patch and further suspects something is up when Patch blatantly lies and says that he was reaching for his gun.

Patch shoots Crabs. Boy, that's not a sentence you hear everyday! 

The Jezebels assemble at their hangout for a party and Lace and Patch try to inform the gang that they believe Maggie was the one who caused the roller rink debauchery. The gang doesn't believe them, cigarettes are put out in bellybuttons, and then the closing knife fight begins, ending with a fatal stab to Lace's throat shown in a brilliant shot of the two girls' shadows on the wall. Maggie emerges from the darkness and police have already surrounded the building. When the cops bust in, the girls proudly exclaim that they are all part of The Jezebels and they are escorted out under arrest. Blood-caked Maggie has to have her last words though, and they are amazing. She threatens the cops to remember their names because they'll be back out on the streets and The Jezebels shall reign!

"No, let me give YOU some advice, cop! You can beat us, chain us, and lock us up, but we're gonna be back UNDERSTAND?! And when we do, cop, you better keep your ass off our turf or we'll blow it off. Ya dig? We're The Jezebels, remember that name!"

Switchblade Sisters carries a full punch and delivers in all aspects that you would want a movie like this to deliver on: endless quotes, memorable scenes, mediocre acting, thumping funk music, and the feminist "women's lib" vein running through it. To guarantee authentic characters and dialog, Jack Hill interviewed real women in street gangs before composing the script.

As far as the acting goes, Joanne Nail as Maggie is great, and Robbie Lee as Lace is annoying at times due to her constant teeth-clenching during the delivery of her lines. Asher Brauner as Dominic is tricky; if he was going for a dumb asshole fuckface character then he did a great job. But the acting shouldn't be the focus on why this movie is good. The movie is great because so many elements make it memorable and make you want to watch it over and over again.

Quickies!

Stripped To Kill - 1987

Albeit the dancers are talented and their moves are interesting, this movie lacks. I'm sure you're not really surprised. Well, actually, I shouldn't even be writing this because we shut the movie off twenty minutes in, but we were in the mood for atmosphere and poetic license - this was definitely the wrong movie to put on. So, technically, it's wrong of me to write a review on a movie I didn't finish watching but I will say this...what can you really expect from a movie where a woman poses as a stripper to catch a "stripper killer"? Not a Hell of a whole lot I would think. I'll give this another shot when I'm in the mood for big hair, "butterfaces", and a dude who made me say, "I really hope this guy isn't a main character because I already don't like him." Maybe one day, I'll properly review it.

Graveyard Disturbance - 1987

Alright, so we're staying in the same year here as the previous title, but boy what a difference this movie is. Lamberto Bava's made-for-TV flick Graveyard Disturbance delivers on atmosphere and typical Italian flair, but falls short with the campy, juvenile humor so cringe-worthy you find yourself grimacing throughout most of the ride. If you're looking for the grandeur of Demons, the masterpiece Lamberto made just two years prior, then look further because you won't find any pustular eruptions or gooey gore flowing anywhere here. Though you will find some ODD scenes including a dinner in the tombs scene, and ODD make-up choices for the creatures throughout the entire movie. I'm not saying there is no fun to be had and the movie is unworthy of watching, because it certainly is a unique film worth at least one viewing, but there's a lot missing to make this perfect and too many dragging parts in the middle. I mean, if anything watch it for this guy...

He Knows You're Alone - 1980

TOM HANKS! TOM HANKS! TOM HANKS!!!

It seems like there's rarely a good review on this film sans the name mentioned above. It's too bad Tom "White Boy Fro" Hanks' presence overshadows this early '80s slasher because I happen to think this movie is more than just his screen debut. Sure it has obvious nods to John Carpenter's Halloween including the theme music and the scenes of Caitlin O'Heaney walking down a lush suburban street a la Linda, Laurie, and Annie, but like all those clones, they all had their own hook.

The impetus behind this film is that a killer, who you know right away - another Halloween nod, is targeting young brides before their wedding day. There are some really creative scenes in this movie that make it memorable and make you want to watch it on a rainy Sunday, or near Halloween time. The ending scenes are pretty intense but the final scene is a lame attempt at a shock ending. Either way, a sentimental movie for me that I will always praise as one of the best early '80s slashers. Makes a great double feature with When A Stranger Calls.

Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker - 1982

Get your nails ready because there are plenty of scenes where you will need them for biting. I've seen a countless amount of movies, but there are those that just stick with you and make an impression on you for life. This movie is one of those. It changed my life. Susan Tyrrell, may you rest in peace you talented Goddess you. This actress is a paragon! Just look at her... 

I can assure you a bigger, better write-up is coming on this movie, but for now I'm including it here to praise the shit out of it and express my love for truly unhinged performances. So the plot is pretty much this - aunt bleeds brakes, kills nephew's parents, takes over custody of Billy, can't handle nephew growing into a man, does what she can to keep control over him, and gets caught up in murdering a man who she claimed tried to rape her; however, this man is a known gay and the detective on the case is a homophobic asshole who blames Billy for the murder in order to hide his sexuality. Tangled webs get even more tangled and more madness ensues. 

It's a shame I found this movie so late in my life, but I'm thankful I did and I can't wait to watch it again. I just have to make it through the beginning car crash scene which is long and thorough and makes the opening of Audrey Rose look like a romp in the park. How they filmed it and made it so flawless is amazing to me. I definitely had a puckered asshole on that one! Must be seen to believe.

Woodchipper Massacre (1988) / Return to Horror High (1987)

I found my old Livejournal page from 2006/2007 and found a couple of hilarious mini-reviews for the movies Woodchipper Massacre and Return to Horror High. I thought it would be fun to post them here! Originally posted on my Livejournal and for a website I used to write for "Horror Haven" in July of 2007.

Woodchipper Massacre -
How I rate this flick: *****

I picked this up at the latest horror convention I attended and boy was it a gem! It was made in the late '80s, so that's already a plus, but GODDAMN I didn't know that it was going to be an underrated classic. By the title you may be thinking, "Cool...lots of gooey gore." Well, not exactly. But, despite the minimal amount of blood, this was non-stop entertainment. The acting was great, the script wasn't too bad, the sound was shitty but that was its magic right there. Just think, a Casio keyboard with high quality sound would probably be over doing it, right? All the pieces fit. A dad leaves his three kids (The oldest is practically an "adult", the middle child is the loud "valley girl" wannabe kind of '80s chick and the youngest is "the dork") with their evil aunt for a weekend. It starts out as a weekend from Hell as she prepares for them what looks like a toast, spaghetti and corn casserole for them to eat. The kids are forced to clean the house and tend to her needs. It turns out the youngest, sends off for a hunting knife in the mail and it happens to arrive while the aunt is staying with them. As he flaunts his new knife around, the aunt makes it a point to try and take his new toy away and stabs herself in the process. Well, referring to the title you could imagine what happens next. Yeah, but only they freeze the body before they stick her in the woodchipper so it doesn't "gum up the blades". Of course it wouldn't be a massacre with just one killing so later on it happens again with another family member just to throw some more action into the mix. Only to be followed with the three kids standing around the pile of goo with the eldest saying, "Wow. What a geek." So many laughs are in this lil film. Could be disappointing if you're a close minded prick and you can't appreciate the humor. If you ask me it's worth at least 4 stars, maybe 5. Even though the title is somewhat deceiving it's worth having in your collection. (Thanks, Camp Motion Pictures!)

Return to Horror High -

How I rate this flick: **

Another late '80s made movie that I watched just recently and I have to say that I didn't like it as much the second time I watched it compared to my first viewing. So okay, it has Maureen McCormick, George Clooney, a promising title and the usual '80s charm, but don't let that distract you. It's kind of a movie within a movie type with an ending that seemed whipped up at the last minute. Maybe I'm wrong, but to me this one was overrated. Sure, I thought the box looked cool as a kid, but it's content isn't all that great. I was disappointed in the gore and the fact that the story couldn't keep me interested made everything fall through. Two stars at the most and that's only if I'm drunk off my ass. I can't really include anything that happened in the film except one part that stands out and that was the "dissecting" scene including a masked "killer" and an asshole science teacher. Still not enough topping on my sundae to keep me happy.

What Are the Symptoms of IMPETIGO?

What Are the Symptoms of IMPETIGO? is a short "diary entry" detailing my own discovery of one of undergrounds most influential horror bands! Originally to have been published in the fanzine Lesions of IMPETIGO (which hopefully may still happen...?)

We all remember the first time we heard IMPETIGO and we all have been influenced in some way by the chaotic genius of their audio terror! My first time hearing IMPETIGO was when my DEATH and CARCASS obsession was tapering off, and I was discovering more and more underground metal that I was enjoying just as much as these two classic bands. As a horror movie addict, I was always looking for bands with a horror image or lyrical content, so imagine my world shifting once my ears were wonderfully assaulted by Horror of the Zombies, and then later I discovered their first album Ultimo Mondo Cannibale (yeah, I worked backwards). As a songwriter and lyricist, I was taking on new influence and the more I listened, the more I wanted more about this band!

Upon actually listening to the albums in-full, of course the first thing I’m going to notice are the sound clips of serial killers speaking about their horrendous acts as well as audio samples from an array of my favorite horror films including Wizard of Gore, The Gates of Hell, and Zombie. As for the music, it was hard to figure out what I wanted to focus on most; the heavy as fuck riffs that we catchy and slaying my ears courtesy of Mark Sawickis and Scott Bross; the insane gurgle vocals from Stevo’s bowels and his thumping bass reverberating to my core; or the intense, AMAZING drum performance by Dan Malin which has an excellent mix of blasts and unique, varied timing – not to mention the dynamic SOUND of the drums; especially considering this was recorded in the early ‘90s when recording metal was still a work in progress!

Because it was hard for me to focus on just one aspect of the music, this meant that I was very pleased with all aspects of what I was hearing and the raw “fuck you” sound the albums had overall. It was like many other bands that I had experienced upon the first listen where it was an automatic prompt once the song was finished to start the wonderful debauchery all over again from the beginning. Needless to say, the more I listened, the more I was entranced by the heavy speed of the music and insane vomitus vocals which accompanied it all; easily making each member of the band legendary in my mind, and making Dan Malin one of my all-time favorite drummers EVER!

the band circa 1989

Is IMPETIGO contagious?

Through the years of only owning shitty downloads from KAZAA and Soulseek, it didn't stop me from spreading the disease of IMPETIGO’s genius. I subjected friends to the contagious chaos and proved that this band was an important factor in the death metal/grind underground. Eventually, years later as I sunk deeper into the underground, I could easily buy official releases of these albums, and this happened courtesy of the record label that I now co-own and operate – none other than Razorback Records.

Thanks to Billy Nocera, I was able to get my grubby hands on these albums in proper form on a professionally pressed CD, with a monstrous, remastered sound perfected by Patrick Bruss. The liner notes seemed endless, detailing each song and expanding on the process of making these classic underground albums. I was able to not only properly enjoy these albums, as well as the Faceless EP which is some of my favorite material, but I was able to experience them like never before and it only made the amazing more amazing, the chaotic more chaotic, and the contagious more contagious. With these re-issues, IMPETIGO was spreading and reaching a broader audience; possibly being discovered by younger metalheads who were somewhat new to the underground. These re-issues were also replenishing the seasoned fans’ collection as these are undeniably the ULTIMATE release of each. 

The contagion isn't summed up in just re-issues of the album, and the reunion show in 2007; it shows in the amount of bands that site IMPETIGO as a staple in underground death metal and the amount of cover songs you can find in many bands’ repertoire. The influence is evident and the fact that there is a tribute album (Wizards of Gore – Razorback Records, 2000) shows that IMPETIGO was more than just an underground death metal band vomiting lyrics about horror movies; they were a unique and extraordinary group who stood out from all the CARCASS clone bands and DEATH wannabes. IMPETIGO has always stood on its own to me and the band itself could almost label its own sub-genre. None before, and none after.

 

Pustular Eruption

So here we are, over 20 years later, still praising and hailing IMPETIGO as an important, influential band who is their own brand. Proof is in the (pus) pudding; there have been bands stay together longer and have a fuller body of work who do not receive this much recognition. Not that they don’t deserve it, but it just goes to show sometimes less is more. Since IMPETIGO, Stevo has been involved in other projects including CHURCH OF MISERY (US), CONVULSIONS, TOMBSTONES and currently in the bands TWIST ENDING and SURGIKILL - with yours truly.

The eruption still oozes as there is another release in the works for later 2015 on Razorback Records. Announced sometime ago, the CD will go into production soon. We will be working with Stevo and company yet again on a special 2-disc release titled 7 Doors of Death. To keep up with news on this unleashing, subscribe to our mailing list at the bottom of our homepage at www.razorbackrecords.com

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Tales from the Hood (1995)

"This isn't a funeral home...this is HELL!"

From 1991-1994 I lived in Earlington, KY. A strange town actually. You were either white and had money, or you were black and didn't have much; this resulting in the "E-Town gangs" happening at the time. Well, I was white and didn't have the amenities that my white peers had. I wasn't destitute, but the richies didn't want me hanging around. Besides, I was a weirdo; that was a double whammy. Needless to say, I fell in with the black kids and related to them more than the white kids. I was a metalhead hanging out with gangsta rap girls. I was accepted by them and would even find myself getting into things that they were into - including early '90s gangsta rap. Yep. I'm guilty of owning The Chronic and Doggystyle, even getting in trouble with my friends by Mrs. Shockley while rapping Gin and Juice in the library. Memories...!

When Tales from the Hood came out in late '95, I had already developed a love for blaxploitation flicks and all forms of black entertainment. Though this movie does not necessarily fall under the category of blaxploitation, it's close enough for me. It's blaxploitation mixed with a little horror comic influence and you have yourself a nice anthology film that maybe even Hammer and Amicus would enjoy. Or at least take notice. Directed by Rusty Cundieff, whose resume includes Chappelle's Show and writer for the second segment of House Party, also co-wrote the script and stars in the second segment Boys Do Get Bruised. Executive produced by Spike Lee, this film was definitely a product of its time and makes the perfect time piece for someone like me who enjoys everything that went into making this entertaining gem of a movie, which was often lambasted by critics with harsh, negative reviews. Eh. What do they know?

The title of the movie is reminiscent of Tales from the Crypt and shares the same impetus which is basically a horror anthology where assholes get their comeuppance and tons of people die, or are already dead. The movie begins with Welcome to My Mortuary - three gangsta dope dealers arrive at Simms Funeral Home where they're looking to get "the shit" from Mr. Simms himself. Mr. Simms is an odd fellow, perfectly portrayed by Clarence Williams III, and instead of getting down to business, he starts showing these three guys random bodies in their caskets and tells their stories. Thus, we have our movie...

Rogue Cop Revelation 

A black cop rookie on his first night on the job witnesses the wrongful murder of Martin Moorehouse (Tom Wright), a black rights activist who promoted the cleanup of city streets from drug dealers and police malfeasance. While the white cops are beating Moorehouse to death, Clarence who has just ran a scan on his licence plate numbers tries to stop them and informs them of who Moorehouse is. This scene is rough. Not only is it reminiscent of the horrible Rodney King beatings, but a song plays softly in the background to heighten the depressive mood - Billie Holiday's Strange Fruit, a song about lynchings with disturbing lyrics such as "black bodies swinging" and "bulging eyes and twisted mouths". A fitting song but very unsettling. Later in the car, Clarence tries to tell his partner that the other two cops should be reported for what they've done. Thinking that they're escorting Moorehouse to the hospital to get help, Clarence finds that they are actually driving him to a pier to place him back into his car to inject him with heroine, making it look like Moorehouse was a hypocritical heroine addict. Ultimately they rig his car to go into the water, and off they go like nothing happened.

A year later, Clarence has bottomed out as a drunk with the heavy burden of guilt over what happened. As Clarence is out one night, he passes a mural of Moorehouse on the side of a building and he speaks to Clarence saying, "Bring them to me!". And so he does, leading the three cops into the cemetery where Moorehouse is buried. While pissing on his grave, one of the cops gets pulled down onto the headstone by his dick and his head is bashed in. Cool. He is then pulled down into the ground and a few seconds later the coffin bursts open revealing the cop's dead body. Moorehouse stands over the grave with the cop's beating heart in his hands. Cool.

Next is an awesome chase scene where Moorehouse is keeping up with the cop car as they're fleeing away from the cemetery. Wings Hauser, playing one of the culprit cops, gets his head pulled off and the car crashes. Cool. The other cop is losing his mind and wanders into the alley where Moorehouse's mural is painted. As he's trying to get away from the vengeful corpse he starts to yell, "WE KILLED YOU!!". Heroine needles start to jump off the ground into the air and penetrate him as he's running. Soon he is pinned to the mural painted wall and a needle goes into his mouth, causing him to become part of the mural. As Moorehouse questions Clarence why he wasn't there for him that night, the story comes to a close. We see Clarence mumbling to himself in a straight-jacket and orderlies locking him up in a padded cell.

Boys Do Get Bruised 

After the first story, Mr. Simms direct Stack, Ball, and Bulldog (the three dope dealers) to the next story which is a tale of a little boy named Walter Johnson (Brandon Hammond) living in an abusive household and telling his school teacher Mr. Garvy (Rusty Cundieff) that a monster is causing the bruises on his body. Mr. Garvy is not only concerned over Walter's household problems, but he takes notice to Walter suffering from a bully at school. While class is at recess, Mr. Garvy speaks to Walter about "the monster" and his school bully. Walter draws Tyrone, the bully, and tells the teacher that he was once told to draw the things that bothers him, so he does. While he crumples up the picture of Tyrone we hear a scream and the scene cuts to the young boy being carried away on a stretcher due to his arms and legs being broken. Though he fell on the stairs, the teachers think this is a bizarre tragedy.

Mr. Garvy goes to Walter's house to speak to his mother, Sissy (Paula Jai Parker) and while he's there Sissy's boyfriend Carl comes home. I have to interject here and say that Carl is played by the usually hilarious David Alan Grier, but in this role he is an ASSHOLE and does a great job of making "the monster" believable. Complete with a tattoo on his arm reading the word "monster". After Mr. Garvy is basically told to leave, he sits in the car and sees Carl's shadow beating both Walter and Sissy. Mr. Garvy goes back into the house and shit hits the fan, especially for the monster. Walter grabs the picture of the monster that he drew and starts bending, folding, crumpling, and twisting the image around causing Carl's body to end up in the floor as a twisted mass of flesh. Sissy stomps on the drawing, Walter burns it, and the mangled corpse is burnt.

Gotta love the effects in this one when David Allen Grier is getting his comeuppance!

KKK Comeuppance 

Corbin Bernson plays Duke Metger, a former KKK member running for senate. His campaign is designed to forget and forgive him for his past and to show the public that he has moved on from his old ways though the African and Jewish communities have protested that he is still a racist based on his office being set up at an old slave plantation which is said to be haunted by the souls of slaves and Hoodoo witch Miss Cobbs. Legend has it that she transferred the souls of the dead slaves to homemade dolls that she made. There is even a large painting still looming over the main room at the plantation and Duke can't resist calling the dolls "negros". He even says this to his assistant who is black. Ummmm..what a fool.

While putting together new promotions for his campaign, his assistant falls down the stairs to his death. Later while reviewing the tape, Duke finds that there was a doll at the head of the stairs which caused the fall. He destroys the doll but it does no good as it comes back and brings a legion of other dolls with him. As the dolls appear in physical form, they disappear from the painting on the wall. And after every doll has made it off the painting, so does Miss Cobbs. She sits in her rocking chair holding the first doll we saw while the rest of the dolls attack and kill Duke.

Reminiscent of the Amelia segment in Trilogy of Terror but definitely holds its own. There are some dragging parts in this episode, but it pays of in the end.


Hard-Core Convert

The final, and my favorite story tells of a gang member named Jerome "Krazy K" Johns violently played by Lamont Bentley. In the beginning of this segment we see Krazy K have a shootout with three guys in a car that he has just chased down. He gets shot and as the cops arrive he says to himself, "saved by the motherfucking cops". Saved? I guess...

Enter Rosalind Cash in her final movie role as Dr. Cushing. Nice name! Her goal is to basically go all A Clockwork Orange on his ass and show him just how fucked up he is. Her techniques are pretty amazing. As he waits to be "tested", she places him in a floor cell next to a white supremacist covered in white power tattoos. After he points out to Krazy K that they both kill black people, Dr. Cushing's motives are starting to become pretty clear. She wants to point out that Krazy K is doing just that - killing other black people and acting as if he is a black supremacist if you will.

Once Dr. Cushing has Krazy K strapped to her contraption she flashes images of black and white pictures of actual black lynchings and modern gangsta shoot outs. It's pretty disturbing and to top it off is Spice 1's song Born II Die playing (video at the foot of this blog) as the images splash across the screen. After this torture, Krazy K starts to have visions of the people he has killed and they're all asking him why he killed them. He starts to unravel and lose his mind and he refuses any remorse for his actions. Dr. Cushing warns him that this is what is doing him in - lack of emotion. Because of his resistance to healing himself, he is then back where he was in the beginning on the ground and getting shot by the three men who we then see is the three dope dealers hanging out in Mr. Simms' funeral home.

After this story is told, our pivotal tale with these three and Mr. Simms that we know as Welcome to My Mortuary comes full circle when Mr. Simms takes them to their reward which waits deep in the mortuary. He leads them to three closed caskets and they each stand by one opening them to reveal their own bodies inside. Mr. Simms tells them that some of Krazy K's boys came and shot them in retaliation. As he perfectly recites the lines, "This isn't a funeral home...this is HELL!" he transforms into Satan himself and flames engulf the three young men.

Unfortunately for me my VHS copy from when I taped it off HBO back in the day has long been gone and my DVD copy of this was stolen, so I have to be happy with a DVD burn of it. Hopefully there will be a decent official release one day with some cool bonus features on it. If you've never seen it, then seek it out somehow, some way. If you have seen it but it's been a while, then pay it a revisit. It's one that I enjoy from time to time, especially for Rosalind Cash's performance! And on that note, I will end this blog with a couple of my favorite pictures of her.

Here's Rosalind looking creepy in 1971's The Omega Man 

And here's Rosalind just simply looking beautiful 

And as promised...

Cannibal Apocalypse (1980)

I. Fucking. Love. This. Movie.

I've watched this movie drunk, I've watched this movie sober, I've watched it high on NyQuil, I've watched it while eating breakfast, I've watched it while eating dinner, I've watched it while doing laundry, I've watched it while laying in bed sicker than a dog, I've watched it in a mobile home trailer sitting in the middle of the woods in Kentucky, I've watched this while living in a posh condo in the Chicago suburbs, I watched it in a New York basement apartment...! I've seen this movie A LOT and I will watch it many more times in my life! If you haven't seen it, then what the hell is wrong with you?! You're missing out. SEEK IT OUT NOW!

Playing off the title Apocalypse Now, the original title for the film was Apocalypse domani - translated from Italian as Apocalypse Tomorrow (another great alternate title was Invasion of the Flesh Hunters). The film is Italian and Spanish made, but many things set it apart from the typical films in this specific sub-genre. Parts of the film were shot in Atlanta and Decatur Georgia, creating an anytown USA vibe to it which I love and I think that's one of the reasons it stands out from the other cannibal movies at the time. The film starts in the jungles of Vietnam where Norman Hopper (the unmistakable and charasmatic John Saxon) recognizes his old friend Charlie Bukowski (the amazing Giovanni Lombardo Radice aka John Morghen)  as a P.O.W. being held captive in a hole in the ground guarded by a bamboo cage. As Norman reaches in to save Charlie, he notices that he and the other captive are chowing down on flesh and guts - a glorious gore buffet. Charlie's fellow captive lunges forward and takes a chunk out of Norman's arm.

Norman wakes up from his Vietnam flashback nightmare and as his wife assures him everything is okay, he looks down at the scar on his arm. His retreat downstairs makes you wonder if he's having a delayed reaction to a possible cannibal virus that had been carried by the P.O.W. who bit his arm; he stares into the refrigerator and sees blood dripping from the meat and for a moment you're thinking he's going to pick it up and eat it.

Obviously this is years later from the happenings at the beginning of the movie. By this time Charlie is being released from the mental hospital and looks Norman up in the phone book, giving him a call, but Norman has been busy entertaining the under-aged next door neighbor who flirted her way into the house to borrow a hair dryer. I mean, seriously, you can't write this shit. Oh wait...! Anyway, while on the phone with Charlie he starts to act strange and hangs up. After turning down advances from his under-aged guest, Mary, he changes his mind and takes a bite into her flesh - somewhere below the belt...?

The following scenes are part of why I fell in love with this movie. Charlie gets off a subway and walks around downtown Decatur. As he's walking around and dodging a biker gang making advances to two pretty ladies jogging around the plaza, he spots a movie theatre showing a war movie and decides to go in. Yeah. A war movie. That's the perfect movie he needs to see right now, right? There's actually some trivia here that you horror buffs may already know. The film Charlie is walking in to see is a 1979 film called From Hell to Victory and stars May Heatherly who plays Nurse Helen in this film.

Needless to say, while Charlie's eating his popcorn in the movie theatre, he's dreaming it's the neck of the girl sitting in front of him who is getting sexed up by her boyfriend. He can't resist her flesh and chomps right into her juggular, spraying out a frenzy of blood everywhere. He runs out of the theatre and makes his way to a giant department store/flea market. To be honest, I don't know what the hell this place is, but it's awesome and allows him to hide from the angry theatre mob and the biker gang who has since joined them in trying to catch him. He gets inside, some people are killed, Yankee Doodle is sang, and place is in shambles. The entertainment is endless.

The next scenes remind me a bit of Dawn of the Dead, with the whole S.W.A.T. team feel, mixed with First Blood but again, this movie has its own style and flair. The police are out front in the parking lot surrounding the place, John Saxon arrives to try and talk sense into Charlie...I'm tellin' ya, this movie has it all. They throw in some tear gas and  Norman reminds Charlie what to do. Piss on it. So he does. Eventually, Charlie is lured out of his hiding place and the cops arrest him and take him in. The next star to come into this movie is Wallace Wilkinson who plays Captain McCoy. This guy is my hero as he takes no guff and tells shit as it is.

Eventually shit hits the fan at the hospital when Charlie grabs Nurse Helen (played by previously mentioned May Heatherly) through the bars and bites her arm, ultimately infecting her. All those who are infected are descending further into their infected madness and get in cahoots as 4 of them make their getaway around town in a stolen ambulance.

Soon they dump the ambulance and go underground. As they're making their way through the sewage labyrinth, the police finally catch up with the group and shoot Charlie in the back, creating a huge hole in his abdomen. The effects are pretty amazing, being displayed in a glorious camera pan-up from the hole in the stomach to John Morghen's agonized face. Before I saw this movie, I read reviews about it and this scene in particular was one that I was looking forward to seeing as it seemed that something would be lost in the way of effects. The main reason I was curious was because I wanted to see how well executed it was - pun intended. They aced it. By using John Morghen from the neck up it made it realistic and believable. The same effect was used in Lucio Fulci's The Gates of Hell when the priest is impaled by a giant wooden cross in the catacombs. I'm assuming the actor is somehow leaning into the fake body with only their head and neck exposed. I'm sure kids today would laugh and think that it looks like crap but I would laugh in their face and tell them that this is WORK and ART - something they know nothing of because everything is lazy and digital now. I'll take primitive effects that lack over digital effects that look absurdly overdone. End rant.

I love the ending of this movie because it's left open and there's no real closure, making for a bleak yet almost laughable ending. Though Norman and his wife have a sad moment together, Mary from next door has started to infect people with the bite from Norman and you see in the end that her nagging mother has been killed by her and her little brother as he chomps away on some flesh.

Credits roll, the badass soundtrack goes to 11, and the audience has either had the time of their life (that would be ME!) or they have no taste and didn't enjoy themselves. One or the other. This movie both fits in and stands apart from the other cannibal movies. Similarities obviously include cannibals, settings in both tropical areas and cities, bumping funky soundtracks, and stern-faced actors delivering serious performances. Differences include Cannibal Apocalypse has war elements - something that is missing from the other cannibal movies at the time. Again, this was inspired by Apocalypse Now. Also, instead of New York city, the city vibe that we get is in the lush state of Georgia, creating an otherworldly feel. Well, to me at least. This is something else this movie and The Gates of Hell has in common.



There's plenty of gore and the typical bumping Italian prog rock soundtrack to go around, too. I understand that John Saxon has been outspoken in the past about not being fond of the movie, but I'm here to tell you he has since changed his mind and looks back fondly on this masterpiece. Okay, I'm making this up, but I'm going to pretend that he's proud. As he should be because... I. Fucking. Love. This. Movie!

The Massacre 24-hour horrorthon 2014!

Last year, The Massacre, followed by the GOBLIN show was probably my favorite event of mine and Billy’s so I was really looking forward to going again. We made our way up to Chicago on October 18^th and made our way back home the next day this time just for The Massacre – a 24-hour horror movie marathon playing classics we either love, like just a little, or even sometimes hate on the BIG screen!

Before we arrived in Chi-town, we stopped off at my old stomping grounds in Munster, IN. where I lived for a little over a year back in 2006-2007. Those of you who follow what I do with music will know this was where I formed and recorded with my bands SLASH DEMENTIA and WOLFHOLLOW. My purpose really for taking Billy here was to yes, show him where I lived, but mainly to take him to one of my favorite restaurants there called Arnie’s Dog House (“Where Man Bites Dog”). Even this vegetarian had to cheat on her diet that day. I had my classic order: hot dog with mustard and relish, corn dog, and a mound of their nothing special but oh so tasty French fries. Billy settled for two dogs, a pizza puff and fries. I was so happy to see the hot dog summer camp mural was still painted on the wall and they kept their old-fashioned menu as well. See pics to confirm awesomeness.

Next, I drove him through Hammond and actually got lost a few times because even though the area was familiar, a lot of it was foreign since it has changed in the last few years. Billy was able to sight-see while I lost my mind for a bit at the wheel, angry at myself for forgetting my way around, ha! Eventually, my sense of direction took over and…

Off on the Chicago Skyway we went, and with little to no further problems we made it to the Portage Theatre where our friends were waiting at the door to greet us. Not really, but most of them were gathered ‘round the vendor tables which were all near the door – and then they greeted us. After mingling a bit, it was time for me to catch the last of Trilogy of Terror. I was happy to just catch the last few moments as Karen Black bared her ancient Zuni fangs. The crowd clapped and cheered and I was ready for the next movie to begin – The Deadly Spawn!   

I was excited to see and hear the crowd being so active, but there were moments where some of them were a little too active and wouldn't shut the fuck up; however, I was happy to hear one guy’s reaction to seeing the 1974 classic Black Christmas for the first time. After the first kill his reaction was, “whoa”. After Margot Kidder’s death, “Daaaaamn”, and then when the killer’s eye can be seen protruding from the crack of the door, “What the FUCK?! Noooo, NOOOO!!” I envied this guy. This movie genuinely creeped me out the first time I saw it late night back in the winter of 1995 on Cinemax, so to see it for the first time on the big screen must have been awesome. Maybe I don’t have to lose all hope on kids today after all since he didn’t laugh and boo like the rest of the chumps he was sitting with, haha!

Other highlights include the Italian classics Dellamorte Dellamore and Dario Argento’s Tenebre. Unfortunately, I had to sit out Tobe Hooper’s Eaten Alive for two reasons: my ass and back were killing me, and the cold darkness of the theatre was making me extremely tired. Coffee and conversation ensued out in the lobby with great friends Matt Harding, Tom Knizner from Cardiac Arrest, and Putrid. I guess you could say it was somewhat an Evilspeak Magazine business meeting? That would be pretty accurate actually. But we all adjourned back into the theatre for the 7am screening of the Hammer Film masterpiece Twins of Evil. It was amazing to see this on the big screen and to watch it with friends. Our commentary throughout the film was keeping me awake and made the experience even more enjoyable.

As The Town that Dreaded Sundown began, the commentary wasn't keeping me as awake as I would like to have been and I didn't really think a nap would suffice in order to stick around for Day of the Dead even though that was a movie I wanted to see. We called it a day and left the windy city to stop off in Schererville, IN. for a breakfast at a restaurant Round the Clock. Can’t say that I wanted to eat there, but the other place I wanted to take Billy, Schoops, wasn't open yet. Oh well, there’s always next time!

What can I say, The Massacre was great fun and next year I’ll be better prepared with blankets and a pillow. I also plan for us to stay the full 24 hours so that we can make it in the final photo! It’s a goal, and I WILL make it happen. Who’s with me?!

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