Woodchipper Massacre -
How I rate this flick: *****
I picked this up at the latest horror convention I attended and boy was it a gem! It was made in the late '80s, so that's already a plus, but GODDAMN I didn't know that it was going to be an underrated classic. By the title you may be thinking, "Cool...lots of gooey gore." Well, not exactly. But, despite the minimal amount of blood, this was non-stop entertainment. The acting was great, the script wasn't too bad, the sound was shitty but that was its magic right there. Just think, a Casio keyboard with high quality sound would probably be over doing it, right? All the pieces fit. A dad leaves his three kids (The oldest is practically an "adult", the middle child is the loud "valley girl" wannabe kind of '80s chick and the youngest is "the dork") with their evil aunt for a weekend. It starts out as a weekend from Hell as she prepares for them what looks like a toast, spaghetti and corn casserole for them to eat. The kids are forced to clean the house and tend to her needs. It turns out the youngest, sends off for a hunting knife in the mail and it happens to arrive while the aunt is staying with them. As he flaunts his new knife around, the aunt makes it a point to try and take his new toy away and stabs herself in the process. Well, referring to the title you could imagine what happens next. Yeah, but only they freeze the body before they stick her in the woodchipper so it doesn't "gum up the blades". Of course it wouldn't be a massacre with just one killing so later on it happens again with another family member just to throw some more action into the mix. Only to be followed with the three kids standing around the pile of goo with the eldest saying, "Wow. What a geek." So many laughs are in this lil film. Could be disappointing if you're a close minded prick and you can't appreciate the humor. If you ask me it's worth at least 4 stars, maybe 5. Even though the title is somewhat deceiving it's worth having in your collection. (Thanks, Camp Motion Pictures!)
Return to Horror High -
How I rate this flick: **
Another late '80s made movie that I watched just recently and I have to say that I didn't like it as much the second time I watched it compared to my first viewing. So okay, it has Maureen McCormick, George Clooney, a promising title and the usual '80s charm, but don't let that distract you. It's kind of a movie within a movie type with an ending that seemed whipped up at the last minute. Maybe I'm wrong, but to me this one was overrated. Sure, I thought the box looked cool as a kid, but it's content isn't all that great. I was disappointed in the gore and the fact that the story couldn't keep me interested made everything fall through. Two stars at the most and that's only if I'm drunk off my ass. I can't really include anything that happened in the film except one part that stands out and that was the "dissecting" scene including a masked "killer" and an asshole science teacher. Still not enough topping on my sundae to keep me happy.
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