Switchblade Sisters - 1975

Even the cops couldn't tame them...

Jack Hill. He gave us great blaxploitation flicks such as Coffy and Foxy Brown, and wrote and directed the cult black comedy horror classic Spider Baby. Sprawl his resume in front of your eyes and you can feast on some incredible titles, all of which are worth discussing and fawning over, but there's one in particular that stands out to me as a great borderline feminist piece and social commentary on urban gang life - even though it is quite comedic in some aspects. That title is Switchblade Sisters.

The fact that Quentin Tarantino dubs this as one of his faves does not influence me at all given the fact that I saw this before I knew who he was, but we all have to thank him for releasing the perfect DVD version on his Rolling Thunder label. The picture is crisp, but not so crisp that it takes away from the grimy, '70s vibe that is necessary for the story. A true drive-in classic that makes you feel like you've stepped back in time to when bellbottoms were the shit and the word "jive" was part of your everyday vernacular. Actually, that's my normal everyday life, but I understand that not everyone shares this sentiment. So let's get to the story, shall we?

Meet the Dagger Debs. A rough, edgy female gang whose leader Lace let's those who cross her know who is boss. Her boyfriend Dominic, leader of the counterpart male gang the Silver Daggers, is a loud-mouthed jerk, but they make a great couple. The Dagger Debs also consist of such buxom babes such as Patch, Bunny, Cherry and Donut -played by Kitty Bruce, daughter of Lenny Bruce- ...just to name a few.

The movie starts out with a funky, soulful theme song "Black Hearted Woman" sang with heavy vibrato by Medusa as images of run-down city life flash on the screen. I'm sold. Lace is the first to be introduced, leaving her ghetto apartment and meeting up in the elevator with the landlord who was just threatening her mom for not being timely with rent. As the elevator goes down, more Dagger Debs come on-board and they attack him in the elevator. He catches up with them eventually at a burger joint when Donut is made to squeal like a pig for asking to order more food, and Maggie, the new girl in town, is confronted by the Debs. Because of the landlord, and the cops knowing the Debs and Daggers all too well, members of the gangs are arrested.

Lace soon finds a friendship in Maggie after they are taken to "juvie" and Maggie fights a big, stacked lesbian who is out for fresh blood - her blood. The fight is amazing, especially when the Dagger Debs join in on the asskicking. Maggie is soon released and Lace confides in her to take care of some business while she's still locked up, including delivering a love letter to Dominic. When the gang makes fun of Lace's letter, you learn fast there are no real likable people in the flick and that is further confirmed when Dominic goes to Maggie's place and rapes her.

Once Lace and the rest of the girls get out of juvenile detention, Lace treats Maggie as if they've been chums for years and Patch (who I have a soft spot for and is played by beautiful Monica Gayle) is forced to the backseat. This upsets Patch, as it should, because she lost an eye for the gang and rants about it often. To compound problems, Lace discovers she's pregnant with Dom's baby and he tells her in one scene to go get an abortion as he throws money at her in a wrongly hilarious post-sex scene. I'm jumping ahead though because before all this, Maggie undergoes a somewhat initiation into the gang - stealing a gaudy amulet from some douchebag named Crabs (Chase Newhart, also from the depressing as Hell 1978 classic The Deer Hunter). He has bad hair, a shitty wardrobe, and he sucks at life. Maggie gets the amulet, they all cheer, she finds out info on his gang, and then Crabs attacks back by shooting Dom's brother and kidnapping one of the Debs in his rape van and his gang rapes her.

Bad move, Crabs. Bad move.

Next is the organization of Crabs' attack at a local roller rink. Crabs' men are prepared with ammo, guns, bombs...okay, just guns and ammo and the night turns out bad when Dom is shot and killed and Lace falls only to be kicked in teh stomach by Crabs, ultimately losing the baby. Her plans backfired. What?! Her plans?! Yeah, more on that in a few. While Lace is staying in the hospital, Maggie turns into a territorial she-wolf and dubs the former Debs with a new name - The Jezebels. She also organizes a teaming up with old friend Muff and her political gang of black beauties to plan a revenge attack on Crabs and his gang. They assemble tanks, armed vehicles, guns, ammo, and grenades; this time I'm not joking. It's quite the showdown, and Crabs gets it. Before he does, Maggie wants info from him as she suspects that someone from her gang gave Crabs info on the roller rink ambush. As I leaked before, it was Lace who did it in hopes that it would get Maggie killed. Patch knows this and when Patch, Lace, and Maggie corner Crabs, he is about to tell when Patch shoots him before he says a word. Maggie, in a furious rage, yells at Patch and further suspects something is up when Patch blatantly lies and says that he was reaching for his gun.

Patch shoots Crabs. Boy, that's not a sentence you hear everyday! 

The Jezebels assemble at their hangout for a party and Lace and Patch try to inform the gang that they believe Maggie was the one who caused the roller rink debauchery. The gang doesn't believe them, cigarettes are put out in bellybuttons, and then the closing knife fight begins, ending with a fatal stab to Lace's throat shown in a brilliant shot of the two girls' shadows on the wall. Maggie emerges from the darkness and police have already surrounded the building. When the cops bust in, the girls proudly exclaim that they are all part of The Jezebels and they are escorted out under arrest. Blood-caked Maggie has to have her last words though, and they are amazing. She threatens the cops to remember their names because they'll be back out on the streets and The Jezebels shall reign!

"No, let me give YOU some advice, cop! You can beat us, chain us, and lock us up, but we're gonna be back UNDERSTAND?! And when we do, cop, you better keep your ass off our turf or we'll blow it off. Ya dig? We're The Jezebels, remember that name!"

Switchblade Sisters carries a full punch and delivers in all aspects that you would want a movie like this to deliver on: endless quotes, memorable scenes, mediocre acting, thumping funk music, and the feminist "women's lib" vein running through it. To guarantee authentic characters and dialog, Jack Hill interviewed real women in street gangs before composing the script.

As far as the acting goes, Joanne Nail as Maggie is great, and Robbie Lee as Lace is annoying at times due to her constant teeth-clenching during the delivery of her lines. Asher Brauner as Dominic is tricky; if he was going for a dumb asshole fuckface character then he did a great job. But the acting shouldn't be the focus on why this movie is good. The movie is great because so many elements make it memorable and make you want to watch it over and over again.

Quickies!

Stripped To Kill - 1987

Albeit the dancers are talented and their moves are interesting, this movie lacks. I'm sure you're not really surprised. Well, actually, I shouldn't even be writing this because we shut the movie off twenty minutes in, but we were in the mood for atmosphere and poetic license - this was definitely the wrong movie to put on. So, technically, it's wrong of me to write a review on a movie I didn't finish watching but I will say this...what can you really expect from a movie where a woman poses as a stripper to catch a "stripper killer"? Not a Hell of a whole lot I would think. I'll give this another shot when I'm in the mood for big hair, "butterfaces", and a dude who made me say, "I really hope this guy isn't a main character because I already don't like him." Maybe one day, I'll properly review it.

Graveyard Disturbance - 1987

Alright, so we're staying in the same year here as the previous title, but boy what a difference this movie is. Lamberto Bava's made-for-TV flick Graveyard Disturbance delivers on atmosphere and typical Italian flair, but falls short with the campy, juvenile humor so cringe-worthy you find yourself grimacing throughout most of the ride. If you're looking for the grandeur of Demons, the masterpiece Lamberto made just two years prior, then look further because you won't find any pustular eruptions or gooey gore flowing anywhere here. Though you will find some ODD scenes including a dinner in the tombs scene, and ODD make-up choices for the creatures throughout the entire movie. I'm not saying there is no fun to be had and the movie is unworthy of watching, because it certainly is a unique film worth at least one viewing, but there's a lot missing to make this perfect and too many dragging parts in the middle. I mean, if anything watch it for this guy...

He Knows You're Alone - 1980

TOM HANKS! TOM HANKS! TOM HANKS!!!

It seems like there's rarely a good review on this film sans the name mentioned above. It's too bad Tom "White Boy Fro" Hanks' presence overshadows this early '80s slasher because I happen to think this movie is more than just his screen debut. Sure it has obvious nods to John Carpenter's Halloween including the theme music and the scenes of Caitlin O'Heaney walking down a lush suburban street a la Linda, Laurie, and Annie, but like all those clones, they all had their own hook.

The impetus behind this film is that a killer, who you know right away - another Halloween nod, is targeting young brides before their wedding day. There are some really creative scenes in this movie that make it memorable and make you want to watch it on a rainy Sunday, or near Halloween time. The ending scenes are pretty intense but the final scene is a lame attempt at a shock ending. Either way, a sentimental movie for me that I will always praise as one of the best early '80s slashers. Makes a great double feature with When A Stranger Calls.

Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker - 1982

Get your nails ready because there are plenty of scenes where you will need them for biting. I've seen a countless amount of movies, but there are those that just stick with you and make an impression on you for life. This movie is one of those. It changed my life. Susan Tyrrell, may you rest in peace you talented Goddess you. This actress is a paragon! Just look at her... 

I can assure you a bigger, better write-up is coming on this movie, but for now I'm including it here to praise the shit out of it and express my love for truly unhinged performances. So the plot is pretty much this - aunt bleeds brakes, kills nephew's parents, takes over custody of Billy, can't handle nephew growing into a man, does what she can to keep control over him, and gets caught up in murdering a man who she claimed tried to rape her; however, this man is a known gay and the detective on the case is a homophobic asshole who blames Billy for the murder in order to hide his sexuality. Tangled webs get even more tangled and more madness ensues. 

It's a shame I found this movie so late in my life, but I'm thankful I did and I can't wait to watch it again. I just have to make it through the beginning car crash scene which is long and thorough and makes the opening of Audrey Rose look like a romp in the park. How they filmed it and made it so flawless is amazing to me. I definitely had a puckered asshole on that one! Must be seen to believe.

Woodchipper Massacre (1988) / Return to Horror High (1987)

I found my old Livejournal page from 2006/2007 and found a couple of hilarious mini-reviews for the movies Woodchipper Massacre and Return to Horror High. I thought it would be fun to post them here! Originally posted on my Livejournal and for a website I used to write for "Horror Haven" in July of 2007.

Woodchipper Massacre -
How I rate this flick: *****

I picked this up at the latest horror convention I attended and boy was it a gem! It was made in the late '80s, so that's already a plus, but GODDAMN I didn't know that it was going to be an underrated classic. By the title you may be thinking, "Cool...lots of gooey gore." Well, not exactly. But, despite the minimal amount of blood, this was non-stop entertainment. The acting was great, the script wasn't too bad, the sound was shitty but that was its magic right there. Just think, a Casio keyboard with high quality sound would probably be over doing it, right? All the pieces fit. A dad leaves his three kids (The oldest is practically an "adult", the middle child is the loud "valley girl" wannabe kind of '80s chick and the youngest is "the dork") with their evil aunt for a weekend. It starts out as a weekend from Hell as she prepares for them what looks like a toast, spaghetti and corn casserole for them to eat. The kids are forced to clean the house and tend to her needs. It turns out the youngest, sends off for a hunting knife in the mail and it happens to arrive while the aunt is staying with them. As he flaunts his new knife around, the aunt makes it a point to try and take his new toy away and stabs herself in the process. Well, referring to the title you could imagine what happens next. Yeah, but only they freeze the body before they stick her in the woodchipper so it doesn't "gum up the blades". Of course it wouldn't be a massacre with just one killing so later on it happens again with another family member just to throw some more action into the mix. Only to be followed with the three kids standing around the pile of goo with the eldest saying, "Wow. What a geek." So many laughs are in this lil film. Could be disappointing if you're a close minded prick and you can't appreciate the humor. If you ask me it's worth at least 4 stars, maybe 5. Even though the title is somewhat deceiving it's worth having in your collection. (Thanks, Camp Motion Pictures!)

Return to Horror High -

How I rate this flick: **

Another late '80s made movie that I watched just recently and I have to say that I didn't like it as much the second time I watched it compared to my first viewing. So okay, it has Maureen McCormick, George Clooney, a promising title and the usual '80s charm, but don't let that distract you. It's kind of a movie within a movie type with an ending that seemed whipped up at the last minute. Maybe I'm wrong, but to me this one was overrated. Sure, I thought the box looked cool as a kid, but it's content isn't all that great. I was disappointed in the gore and the fact that the story couldn't keep me interested made everything fall through. Two stars at the most and that's only if I'm drunk off my ass. I can't really include anything that happened in the film except one part that stands out and that was the "dissecting" scene including a masked "killer" and an asshole science teacher. Still not enough topping on my sundae to keep me happy.

What Are the Symptoms of IMPETIGO?

What Are the Symptoms of IMPETIGO? is a short "diary entry" detailing my own discovery of one of undergrounds most influential horror bands! Originally to have been published in the fanzine Lesions of IMPETIGO (which hopefully may still happen...?)

We all remember the first time we heard IMPETIGO and we all have been influenced in some way by the chaotic genius of their audio terror! My first time hearing IMPETIGO was when my DEATH and CARCASS obsession was tapering off, and I was discovering more and more underground metal that I was enjoying just as much as these two classic bands. As a horror movie addict, I was always looking for bands with a horror image or lyrical content, so imagine my world shifting once my ears were wonderfully assaulted by Horror of the Zombies, and then later I discovered their first album Ultimo Mondo Cannibale (yeah, I worked backwards). As a songwriter and lyricist, I was taking on new influence and the more I listened, the more I wanted more about this band!

Upon actually listening to the albums in-full, of course the first thing I’m going to notice are the sound clips of serial killers speaking about their horrendous acts as well as audio samples from an array of my favorite horror films including Wizard of Gore, The Gates of Hell, and Zombie. As for the music, it was hard to figure out what I wanted to focus on most; the heavy as fuck riffs that we catchy and slaying my ears courtesy of Mark Sawickis and Scott Bross; the insane gurgle vocals from Stevo’s bowels and his thumping bass reverberating to my core; or the intense, AMAZING drum performance by Dan Malin which has an excellent mix of blasts and unique, varied timing – not to mention the dynamic SOUND of the drums; especially considering this was recorded in the early ‘90s when recording metal was still a work in progress!

Because it was hard for me to focus on just one aspect of the music, this meant that I was very pleased with all aspects of what I was hearing and the raw “fuck you” sound the albums had overall. It was like many other bands that I had experienced upon the first listen where it was an automatic prompt once the song was finished to start the wonderful debauchery all over again from the beginning. Needless to say, the more I listened, the more I was entranced by the heavy speed of the music and insane vomitus vocals which accompanied it all; easily making each member of the band legendary in my mind, and making Dan Malin one of my all-time favorite drummers EVER!

the band circa 1989

Is IMPETIGO contagious?

Through the years of only owning shitty downloads from KAZAA and Soulseek, it didn't stop me from spreading the disease of IMPETIGO’s genius. I subjected friends to the contagious chaos and proved that this band was an important factor in the death metal/grind underground. Eventually, years later as I sunk deeper into the underground, I could easily buy official releases of these albums, and this happened courtesy of the record label that I now co-own and operate – none other than Razorback Records.

Thanks to Billy Nocera, I was able to get my grubby hands on these albums in proper form on a professionally pressed CD, with a monstrous, remastered sound perfected by Patrick Bruss. The liner notes seemed endless, detailing each song and expanding on the process of making these classic underground albums. I was able to not only properly enjoy these albums, as well as the Faceless EP which is some of my favorite material, but I was able to experience them like never before and it only made the amazing more amazing, the chaotic more chaotic, and the contagious more contagious. With these re-issues, IMPETIGO was spreading and reaching a broader audience; possibly being discovered by younger metalheads who were somewhat new to the underground. These re-issues were also replenishing the seasoned fans’ collection as these are undeniably the ULTIMATE release of each. 

The contagion isn't summed up in just re-issues of the album, and the reunion show in 2007; it shows in the amount of bands that site IMPETIGO as a staple in underground death metal and the amount of cover songs you can find in many bands’ repertoire. The influence is evident and the fact that there is a tribute album (Wizards of Gore – Razorback Records, 2000) shows that IMPETIGO was more than just an underground death metal band vomiting lyrics about horror movies; they were a unique and extraordinary group who stood out from all the CARCASS clone bands and DEATH wannabes. IMPETIGO has always stood on its own to me and the band itself could almost label its own sub-genre. None before, and none after.

 

Pustular Eruption

So here we are, over 20 years later, still praising and hailing IMPETIGO as an important, influential band who is their own brand. Proof is in the (pus) pudding; there have been bands stay together longer and have a fuller body of work who do not receive this much recognition. Not that they don’t deserve it, but it just goes to show sometimes less is more. Since IMPETIGO, Stevo has been involved in other projects including CHURCH OF MISERY (US), CONVULSIONS, TOMBSTONES and currently in the bands TWIST ENDING and SURGIKILL - with yours truly.

The eruption still oozes as there is another release in the works for later 2015 on Razorback Records. Announced sometime ago, the CD will go into production soon. We will be working with Stevo and company yet again on a special 2-disc release titled 7 Doors of Death. To keep up with news on this unleashing, subscribe to our mailing list at the bottom of our homepage at www.razorbackrecords.com

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